Archive | September, 2012

Letting Go…A Little

29 Sep

This month has been very emotional for me. The realization that, even with 5 follicles, I didn’t get pregnant…dealing with my period…in-laws acting up (especially the slutty sister-in-law with 3 kids and as many fathers), the birth of my nephew and lingering marital issues (like my husband’s refusal to do chores and simultaneous expectation that everything is done for him).

There has been a difference in the force of these feelings, though. After an argument with my hubby on the night of Sunday, Sep. 16, I stopped logging into my twitter account dealing with infertility. He felt that it was stressing me out too much to see others’ good news…others’ bad news…It was all becoming too much for me. I didn’t totally agree at first, but I tried it and notice a difference after just one day.

I recognize that infertile women (including me) need support, but when the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for me, it’s just better to withdraw and at least pretend that I’m not infertile. It’s simply good for my soul to do that once in a while.

I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m sleeping like a baby every night. I’m doing much better at work, especially since I’m not focused on counting down the days (and noting every tiny “symptom”) in every two-week-wait.

At the moment, I’m content to enjoy cuddling my new nephew and only seldom being reminded of my infertility. It’s the only way to survive right now.

Waiting…Again

13 Sep

I had a mini-breakdown last Monday (CD 1) when I went to my doc and found out he’s gone on vacation for a month! I couldn’t take it anymore, and of course, there were babies EVERYWHERE that day! I went to my husband’s stepmother and cried and received comforting words and encouragement. I left her house relaxed and happy. The next day, I called another doc and will be switching to him at the beginning of October.

This cycle, I will be resting. No Clomid, no EPO, no nothing. I need more attention from my doc.

I’m this close to seeing a psychiatrist. I’ve got the referral in my purse. But I’ll probably hold out a little while longer…seems I need the most support on CD 1.

I’ve seen a cycle buddy go from the happiest ever to the saddest ever, because it looks like she’s miscarrying. This world is so unfair. I can’t go into it right now, because it won’t change our situations, anyway. Just so frustrated!

And tired…and sad…

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear