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Last Check-up before HSG

3 Jan

I’m sitting here at the doctor, waiting for my last post-operative check-up. It’s just a formality because everything looked great last time.

I’m surrounded by pregnant women once again, and it doesn’t get any easier. I’m not seeing any of the gynecologists at the hospital where I work for privacy reasons, so I’m at another one. Most of these women here are unmarried, uneducated and unemployed, and it hurts to see them procreate at will and take for granted the one thing that I desire.

I don’t begrudge them their pregnancies and children, but I don’t like being confronted with this as often as I am. It’s bad enough that I have to see AF every month…I don’t want to see women who don’t. It sounds bitter, but I have to protect my heart. Funny that seeing a newborn brings different feelings up: feelings of longing and affection. Bellies make me sad when I think of my situation. I know I’m no different from any other infertile woman when I feel like this, but I feel guilty anyway.

So, I already know my HSG will be on the 10th of this month, or earlier if I can ‘con’ the radiologist at the hospital where I work. Not that I’M not getting conned, though, because I have to pay in full out-of-pocket. I’ll see what this doc says today and report back if/when I have news.

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear

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