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Last cycle before IVF 1.0

23 Jan

Yesterday was CD 1. Since my period came a little earlier than expected (before pay day) I’ll have to pay Drs. C next week and start mid-February with injections (next expected period is between 16th and 18th of February).
Doctor C was straightforward about the whole process, so D and I left the office feeling sure and optimistic!

I began taking a tablespoon of the Aloe Vera gel (safe until CD 21) in a last ditch effort to improve the condition of my Fallopian tubes. Miracles occur everyday, so…

As for my period, it was medium flow and there were some annoying cramps, so I took pain meds in the afternoon and the evening.

There are no cramps this morning, thank God. I am feeling nauseous, though, because I may have used too much creamer in my coffee. I only drink coffee during my period now, by the way. If I wasn’t menstruating, I’d swear I was pregnant…that’s how bad it is. The bleeding is heavy, which is normal for CD 2, and I’m doing ok mentally.

Off to do some work now! Thanks for reading!

Yours Truly, Kristel Klear

Familiar Feelings

27 Dec

Two days after Christmas and my old friend is back…right on time. I was on a ttc hiatus since mid-September when I broke down after a failed Clomid cycle and FIVE ripe follicles! 😦 Sad times. In fact, 2012 was a sad year.

Happy too, though. I gained a nephew on September 21st. I bawled and bawled when I saw him for the first time. It was 11 days after that horrible Clomid FAIL! I loved him from that first moment until now. He’s a strong and healthy 3-month-old now and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I get a little teary when I stare at him too long sometimes. And then I hug him and kiss him until I feel better. He gobbles it all up though..what a sweetie pie! Crying is not part of his vocabulary, haha! Babysitting is a piece of cake, as a result.

My husband and I will finally lay the foundation for our new home this February. Then, it’s gearing up for IVF…hopefully by April. First, a final HSG to put hubby’s mind to rest about my wacky fallopian tubes. Along with all this new hope come the emotions. They came back today because I was secretly hoping there was a Christmas miracle growing in my belly this time.

Fitness has been keeping me pretty occupied though and I plan to use it to ease the emotions and stress that try to consume me sometimes. I’m looking forward to the new year and hope 2013 will be THE year for me!

Yours Truly, Kristel Klear

Letting Go…A Little

29 Sep

This month has been very emotional for me. The realization that, even with 5 follicles, I didn’t get pregnant…dealing with my period…in-laws acting up (especially the slutty sister-in-law with 3 kids and as many fathers), the birth of my nephew and lingering marital issues (like my husband’s refusal to do chores and simultaneous expectation that everything is done for him).

There has been a difference in the force of these feelings, though. After an argument with my hubby on the night of Sunday, Sep. 16, I stopped logging into my twitter account dealing with infertility. He felt that it was stressing me out too much to see others’ good news…others’ bad news…It was all becoming too much for me. I didn’t totally agree at first, but I tried it and notice a difference after just one day.

I recognize that infertile women (including me) need support, but when the benefits outweigh the drawbacks for me, it’s just better to withdraw and at least pretend that I’m not infertile. It’s simply good for my soul to do that once in a while.

I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m sleeping like a baby every night. I’m doing much better at work, especially since I’m not focused on counting down the days (and noting every tiny “symptom”) in every two-week-wait.

At the moment, I’m content to enjoy cuddling my new nephew and only seldom being reminded of my infertility. It’s the only way to survive right now.

Waiting…Again

13 Sep

I had a mini-breakdown last Monday (CD 1) when I went to my doc and found out he’s gone on vacation for a month! I couldn’t take it anymore, and of course, there were babies EVERYWHERE that day! I went to my husband’s stepmother and cried and received comforting words and encouragement. I left her house relaxed and happy. The next day, I called another doc and will be switching to him at the beginning of October.

This cycle, I will be resting. No Clomid, no EPO, no nothing. I need more attention from my doc.

I’m this close to seeing a psychiatrist. I’ve got the referral in my purse. But I’ll probably hold out a little while longer…seems I need the most support on CD 1.

I’ve seen a cycle buddy go from the happiest ever to the saddest ever, because it looks like she’s miscarrying. This world is so unfair. I can’t go into it right now, because it won’t change our situations, anyway. Just so frustrated!

And tired…and sad…

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear

Cycle 23: Day 15: Waiting to O

11 Apr

Just to recap: I’ve been taking prenatal vitamins since sometime in the last cycle, I began with a baby aspirin regimen on CD 1, drank the detox drink on CDs 2 and 4 and began taking Evening Primrose Oil caplets from CD 6 until now. I’ve had great CM since taking the EPO and my husband and I really enjoyed the past 10 days!

Today is CD 16, but no temperature rise, so today could be O day. I’ll be surprising DH since I’m taking a half-day off today (working 7 am-11 am). He’s home off of a 24-hour shift. We will be getting busy, as the doctor ordered us to do 3 days ago.

I was sick on Easter Sunday: nausea, diarrhea, pain in the lower abdomen that I still feel today, fever and body aches. I had a slight infection somewhere, but the fever never returned, he ruled out pregnancy and a UTI and refused to prescribe medicine (I’m guessing because I was close to ovulating). I feel slightly nauseous throughout the day but the other symptoms have disappeared since Monday morning. So, it’s back to waiting and hoping… Cheers!

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear

Clomid’s Success…My Uterus’s Failure

28 Mar

For those not aware, the doc cancelled IUI because of a holiday on my CD13. He thought I’d ovulate on that day. Looking back, he could’ve just gone ahead with the IUI, because I didn’t ovulate until CD17!! I could’ve been pregnant now, but now I have to deal with AF, who appeared to be late…but only because I O’d late on Clomid! Two eggs gone to waste.

I’ve been emotional since I was one day “late” and today’s no different. Yesterday was the grandmaster of emotional days, as you can imagine. I get upset (rightfully so) at DH, but my tears get in the way of a simple argument! So frustrating! I wanna tear his head off but I don’t wanna cry while I’m doing it!

Today, I’ll be drinking a uterus cleanse from a lady who came highly recommended by my sister, who’s now pregnant because of that lady. I don’t know why I procrastinated to do this ’cause my sis is over 3 months pregnant now and I’m still not!

I will also be taking Clomid 100mg on days 5-9 against my husband’s wishes. I don’t want to leave anything to chance, but he feels we shouldn’t try 2 things at once. I won that argument without saying a word: a single look was enough.

In addition, I’m on an aspirin regimen for circulation and a 1-clove-of-garlic-a-day regimen for an added circulation boost. That’s the plan for this cycle.

I’m taking the rest of the day off because the cleanse will empty my bowels as well as my uterus, and no one wants to be at work on such a day (understatement). Plus, I’ll be temping this month to confirm ovulation, because I almost became a raging lunatic wondering when I’d O’d! Grrr….

I really respect the ladies who’ve been trying to have a baby for years and keep on going and going. I’ve been trying for just under 2 years and I’m about ready to lose my marbles (this isn’t a joke, by the way).

Much love and baby dust to all those wishing after a little one!

Adding a pic of my nephew who keeps me sane!

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear

IUI #1 March 2012

29 Feb

Last Saturday evening, AF came to show her ugly face once more, as she does every month. I was very hopeful for a pregnancy this time, as it I had and hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done on February 3rd and it showed clear tubes. I’m not being ungrateful: I thank God everyday for the miracle of clear tubes, because they were both VERY blocked last August.

As you know, I had a fibroid removed last November and after that part, the surgeon also worked on my tubes to clear them. I waited exactly 3 months to do the HSG and the surgery proved to be a success!

So, this cycle was very important to my husband and I. What’s strange is that I didn’t shed a single tear, as I have done after every failed cycle except for the 2 following my operation. My husband was equally cool about…then again, he’s always cool about everything. We decided to move on to the contingency plan: IUI.

I arrived at the doc Monday around 6:30 pm (thank God for afternoon hours) and he informed me that this failure didn’t necessarily mean that something was wrong. In fact, we could very well end up pregnant next month, and by natural means. He looked up at me as he said that and must have read on my face that I was in no way interested in waiting another cycle that would possibly fail.
 
After you’ve seen AF come so many times in a row, without fail, your belief in a natural BFP dwindles unless there’s a plan with a new element in it that can give me hope. I don’t want to take the chance that I wait another cycle and blame myself for not taking action and trying to force a natural process to occur when it clearly doesn’t want to. Look at how I’m personifying the natural process! I do believe I’ve lost my mind! I know you all understand my feelings, though.

The doc ordered another sperm analysis for my husband (my idea) and prescribed Clomid (50mg) for me. We’re doing a sonogram on CD 12 (next Wednesday) to check follies (last CD 12 I had a ripe follicle on the left side @ 19.3 mm). If all goes as planned, the IUI will be on March 9th or 10th. I was so psyched as I left the office that night. Immediately afterward, my husband called and told me he’d meet me at his brother’s bar & restaurant right across the street from the hospital. It was his youngest sister’s 22nd birthday and I’d bought her beautiful fashion earrings and a bracelet to match. She was so pleased because it was exactly the style she loved (which I knew, of course). D (my husband) was so pleased to hear the news that we had a private toast (with orange juice) to celebrate the good news.

So far, I have no side effects from the Clomid (just 2 hot flashes that lasted for minutes and seconds, respectively). The sperm analysis came back showing that my husband has stellar sperm! I’ll be bringing the results to the doc late this afternoon. I’ve notified my boss that I won’t be seen at the end of next week, but didn’t give any details. We’ve decided to keep the IUI just between us, D, the doc and I. If it’s a success, we may tell others, but for now it’ll be our little secret (with my Twitter and blog friends of course).

Here’s a pic of 2 of my sisters-in-law (the ones who don’t drive me batty, lol). 😉

Truly Yours,

Kristel Klear